Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
