fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
