My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there's paper in my vomit.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
