mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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