Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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