They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
