Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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