Girls should come with a carfax report
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
