just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I supernannyed him into submission
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize