i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The uberlube is also flammable
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
