That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
