its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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