Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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