U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
