Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
