That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My legs feel like baby dolphins
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
