I am puke
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
