The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
