My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
