So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
