i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
