Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
