she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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