I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
