weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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