Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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