Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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