i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
