you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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