Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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