When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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