we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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