your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
