I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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