My room smells like vodka and shame
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
