she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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