Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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