We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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