i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize