Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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