i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
