but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
