I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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