just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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