I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize