I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
no, he came in my armpit
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
