Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
