he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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