I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
