it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize