So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize