Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize