I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
