I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
