i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
