apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
