I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
