Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
