Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
