he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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