You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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