My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
