I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
