You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
