It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize